The Online Culture War, by a 5-year old

The youth shall lead us

This week and next, I’m spending my time visiting family and traveling. I’m seeing both of my siblings, attending the Manifest conference, and then attending NLAS. I’ve been touching grass, with little time for internet shenanigans.¹

So rather than give you my takes on social media’s hottest culture war topics, this week I asked my five year old nephew to give me his opinions on those topics. This turned out to be a fantastic idea, and frankly I’m considering outsourcing this blog to him permanently.

Answers are relatively close to verbatim, give or take the normal five year old imagination. Enjoy, and see you all in a few days.

On Immigration

There are a lot of people from Mexico who want to come to America. But some people say we shouldn’t let them come to America. Should we let them come?

People from Mexico?

Yes, who want to come to America.

(laughs) No, Mexico is IN America! (keeps laughing)

On Gender

Some people think that someone who’s born a boy can become a girl, but others say that’s not a real thing. What do you think?

One time, I told a boy he looked like a girl because he had long hair, but that wasn’t nice and I had to say sorry.

On Trump’s Conviction

Some people think the old President did crimes and should be punished, but some people think they’re just being mean and not fair to him.

What’s a crime?

It’s when you break a rule. Some people say he broke the rules, but other people think they’re being mean.

That sounds mean. They shouldn’t be mean to him.

On Housing

One group of people thinks we should build more housing for people to live in, but the other group doesn’t think so and doesn’t want any more houses near them. Which group do you agree with?

(thinks for several seconds) Well, which group is the good people?

They both think they’re the good guys.

But which ones are reeeeeaaaallllly the good guys?

…

(an hour later, out of literally nowhere)

I think the people who want to build houses are the good guys

On AI Safety

Some people think robots and computers might kill all humans, but other people think that’s silly. What do you think about it?

That’s silly! Robots live in space so they can’t get to us.

On Women in the Workforce

Some people think mommies should just stay at home and be mommies. But some people think they should be able to go out and work and have jobs. What do you think?

I think they should go and have a job, because… (long pause) if they stay at home, how will they have money?

On Bears and Men

If you were walking alone in the woods, would you rather come across a bear or a man?

I would meet a bear, because a man doesn’t live in the woods! (giggles) Only bears live in the woods.

What would happen if you met the bear?

He would eat me. (chomping noises)

1. More like touching airport concrete, but you get the idea.